


we don't talk anymore

by roeru



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Breakup, Depression, Friendship, Heartbreak, M/M, Post-Canon, They don't get back together, just saying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 08:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11123340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roeru/pseuds/roeru
Summary: Yuuri knew that he had no right anymore, not when it was his fault.





	we don't talk anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta-ed. Forgive any mistakes, I wrote this in a haste.

Yuuri didn’t know how long he had stared at the chat box in front of him.

 

His attention had jumped from one thing to the next, checking his other social media websites as if he didn’t know there was nothing new there because he spent hours scrolling through there already to avoid the one thing he desperately wanted to do. He had gone to training to get his mind off it only to be sent home by Celestino because his head was clearly not in the mood for training.

 

He just can’t bring himself to do what he wanted, not without knowing what could come out from it. And he knew he had no right anymore, not when he knew it was his own fault that this happened.

 

Viktor Nikiforov, long-time boyfriend for 4 years, the name on the chat box calling to him. To open it, send a message, _“I miss you, please talk to me.”_ , send it. God he wanted to talk to him so bad, wanted the light feeling of conversation between them because it was the most open he ever had been, even more open than when he talked to his own best friend.

  
Wait did he say boyfriend? He meant _ex_ -boyfriend.

 

Yuuri had to suppress a sob before closing the chat box.

 

There was no way he can talk to him after what he had done. Not even realizing he had been emotionally abusing someone who only wanted to love him whole-heartedly, Yuuri was in hysterics when he had finally realized.

 

It was also too late.

 

* * *

 

Every single one of his friends knew about how the entire relationship ended, not that he had that much friends to tell about it to. Phichit had been the first to know, a week after he and Viktor split up. He almost went on a rampage to give the Russian a piece of his mind and only the crestfallen look on Yuuri’s face made the Thai boy stop on his plan to ruin a certain legend’s life and prioritize Yuuri’s feelings more.

 

It had taken Phichit all night of holding Yuuri, who sobbed his eyes swollen, his throat rasp from the yells and sobs he released, to get him to calm down enough for him to get a good night sleep.

 

Yuuko was the second one to know, only being told about it when it was already almost a month since the break up. She had been angry yes, but looking at how dull and tired Yuuri’s eyes had been was enough for her to hide the blooming hatred for their former idol. Yuuri knows that if she knew that this kind of hurt would fall upon him the moment Yuuri and Viktor had gotten together; she would have been the first to oppose to their relationship.

 

The third to know was the entire world two months after and it was too soon than Yuuri would have liked.

 

Yuuri was a secretive person. His life was nobody else’s business to pry on. It started with interviews, the press, even reached far into the years where his relationship with the now retired skating legend was still the main topic of all the questions thrown at him right after he skated his last program in his last competition of his career. No one even asked about him, his plans for the future and who would really. Even Viktor was the only person that mattered to him at this point.

 

Yes he broke it off with Viktor Nikiforov.

 

No, he wasn’t going to comment as to why they broke up.

 

No comment, no comment.

 

Because he was just not ready to reveal how much of a monster he was to the world.

 

It was one thing to suffer from mental illnesses but it was one entire spectrum to be a toxic asshole because of it. He was insecure and anxious about the authenticity of Viktor’s feelings for him but that didn’t excuse his actions towards him. No amount of apologies was going to excuse how he acted.

 

Over the course of the year, Viktor didn’t attempt to make any contact with him. Not since he moved out of their home in St. Peterburg and moved into another apartment. Not since Yuuri sold that house and wired all the money he got from it into Viktor’s personal account. Nothing.

 

Not even a reply to Yuuri’s desperate attempts to contact him when they have newly split up.

 

Yuuri had already decided that he was going to live his life regretting having ended what had been the best thing that could have happened in his sorry life.

 

What he was doing wasn’t healthy he was told, but what else could he do? He was already 30 years old, tired and aging, one of the oldest skaters in his generation to have retired so late in his career. The immediate decline of his physical activities wasn’t enough to get back the weight he usually gained when he didn’t train because he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink, would only lie in bed and attempt to find meaning by looking through his ex’s social media accounts and crying about it.

 

30 years old and Yuuri was still crying about his first love. He was a waste, really.

 

“Yuuri, _please_ ,” It was Phichit’s voice, the quality of his phone’s auditory options not being able to capture the worry that was embedded into the younger boy’s tone. Yuuri pressed the receiver of his phone closer, trying hard to capture the comfort that only his best friend could ever give him, even if it was only to temporarily soothe his aching heart. It was already nighttime where he was, in his old bedroom back in Hasetsu because the only thing he was good for now was being an extra hand in the onsen, now that it was more popular than ever because of his amazing career.

 

“I know you still love him but you can’t do this to yourself, you need to move on, it’s been more than an entire year—“

 

“You don’t think I know that, Phichit?” Yuuri could practically sob, all the anguish and tension that he had kept inside in order not to worry anyone else finally unraveling because Phichit was the only person he could trust when he was being like this. Being toxic, being stubborn with what he has already decided to do, draining what was once good from a person and turning it all about himself.

 

Even he could feel Phichit was feeling exasperated because it has been an entire year and he was still set on being like this. He was going to leave him alone and Yuuri wouldn’t be able to blame him for it—

 

“Yuuri, stop please, I can feel your anxiety all the way from Bangkok.” There was a light but seemingly sad chuckle at the end of it. It was an attempt to keep him from falling deeper into the depths of his own mind. Yuuri didn’t know what he would do without Phichit. “Look, obviously being there in Hasetsu alone isn’t doing any better for you. I mean, it’s only been a few months since you’ve retired and left Bangkok but is it alright if I go there during off-season? You could show me around Japan!”

 

If he really wanted to ruin the rest of his life, Yuuri would have declined the offer. But maybe, just maybe, he did want to be throwing all the negativity away even for just a while.

 

Maybe Viktor would have wanted this for him.

 

“… Okay.” There was a reason Phichit was his best friend and this doesn’t even cover how much Yuuri was grateful he had someone like him in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic, not sure if there'll be a continuation.  
> Yuuri is me, basically. Except I can't be sure if there's a Phichit in my life.


End file.
